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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"