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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”