Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?