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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
I`m tired of things costing money
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.