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My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.