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I put the o in illiterate!
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?