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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...