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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.