Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
I always advise people never to give advice.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.