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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.