Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
I believe in love at first episode.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.