Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
This status is mine....I licked it.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...