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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.