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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."