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Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what Iām talking about.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.