Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.