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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
he who laughs last thinks slow
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.