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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"