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A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Iām home alone. Time to start my concert.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)