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Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.