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The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor