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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.