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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Girls just wanna have funds.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.