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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.