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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.