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"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.