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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?