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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.