Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.