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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
Don`t waste my timeline.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.