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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.