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Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.