Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
I drink coffee for your protection.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
This salad tastes like Iād rather be fat.