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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
I flunked anger management class.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.