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Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.