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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"