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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.