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Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.