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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?