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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.