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My death bed confession is going to be epic!
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Iām still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.