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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective