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Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.