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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Will be drunk until further notice.
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
What if the weather talks about us?
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.