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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........