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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.