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I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.