Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.