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Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.