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Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
I saw that! - Karma
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"