Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.