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One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.