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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.