Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just called. To say. I texted you.
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.