Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.