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some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.