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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.