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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
I never finish anyth...............
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!