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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.