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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.