Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.