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I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.