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People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.