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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Serving size ?? LMAO
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