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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.