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What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.