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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
The first sign of laziness:
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.