Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t care about your status...
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball