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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?