Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.