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I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Gun Control: Use both hands
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.