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So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.