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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...