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I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.