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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times