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When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Save water- shower with me!
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?