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I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...