Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.