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Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.