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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....