Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?