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If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: Iām getting laid.....off.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.