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Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.