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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
Honk if you wanna see the finger
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!