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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car