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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?