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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
Own the day
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.