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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem